Remedy for Insomnia
by FiveRoses
Summary: How does one cure chronic insomnia? Chapter 3 - and, yes, this really is the final chapter.
1. Chapter 1

_Since I am personally acquainted with insomnia, this is somewhat lacking in humour. It does improve a little as it goes along, though. For the record, I have not tested the efficacy of the cures that Jane mentions. They are therefore not recommendations..._

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* * *

_

Patrick Jane always had trouble sleeping, but every now and then he would go through a particularly chronic patch of insomnia. Teresa Lisbon knew the signs. He became very edgy and restless. He had trouble concentrating. He went off his food. He didn't lie lazily on his couch whenever the opportunity arose, but paced about bothering everyone else. He couldn't settle to any particular task. And he didn't look well.

She couldn't figure out what the trigger was. The pattern seemed so random. It didn't relate to the anniversaries of his family members' births, wedding or deaths. It didn't relate to their cases. It didn't even relate to the phases of the moon. Perhaps there was no trigger. Perhaps it was just one of those things.

It worried her. She felt so helpless watching someone she cared about in distress and not knowing how to fix it. It made her irritable to not be able to _do_ anything. And she felt guilty for feeling frustrated with Jane, who refused to talk about it or acknowledge that anything was wrong.

Cho hoped they would get a case that would involve him being somewhere far away from Jane and Lisbon. The ideal would be a nice quiet stakeout with Rigsby, so he could read his book in peace, far away from the tense atmosphere of the office. He was reading a book that required concentration and he found Rigsby's mellow munching to be very conducive to mental focus.

Rigsby was trying to look inconspicuous. Lisbon was clearly not in a good mood and he preferred to keep a low profile, just to be on the safe side. Being caught in Lisbon's cross-hairs was always something worth avoiding – she didn't mean to be unkind, but when she was in a bad mood, her sarcasm sometimes got away from her before she had time to stop it. Better to be punched in the stomach by Mr T than get on the wrong side of Lisbon's tongue, Rigsby had decided.

Van Pelt was worried. Jane wasn't looking well and Lisbon was evidently concerned and upset. Van Pelt had already tried making Jane some tea (something they all usually tried to avoid doing, because the man was inordinately fussy about his tea) and getting Lisbon some coffee, but didn't know what else she could do. Clearly saying something would be a bad idea. The atmosphere was tense enough as it was. But this had been going on all week, and everyone's nerves were getting frayed. She gave a little sigh and exchanged a look with Rigsby, who, she noticed, had been tiptoeing about all week like he was surrounded by sleeping babies. Under different circumstances, she would have found this rather funny.

And then, finally, the reprieve they had been hoping for arrived: a case which involved them all driving several hours to some tiny place none of them had ever heard of. In two cars. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt were all very happy about this state of affairs and set off very cheerfully in one of the SUVs. Jane and Lisbon, less enthusiastically, set off in the other.

* * *

"Could we please talk about this?" Lisbon was sick of the silence. Jane had been staring out of the window for the last half an hour, but she could tell he wasn't seeing anything. He was spaced out.

"What?" he said, aggravatingly.

She made an irritated noise in her throat. Jane rose to the occasion.

"It's really amazing how much you communicate with such a small sound, Lisbon. You should give lessons."

She didn't respond. She was too annoyed, and wasn't in the mood for games. If she started playing with Jane, all hopes of a serious conversation would be lost. They needed to talk about this. The silence stretched out for a few minutes. Lisbon's expression was getting more and more irritated. Eventually Jane gave in.

"What do you want me to say, Lisbon? Contrary to popular belief, I am not a mind reader."

"When did you last sleep?"

A brief silence.

"I've been having a little trouble the last week or so. The pills don't seem to be working." He kept his eyes on the view out of his passenger window. Away from Lisbon and her questions. "But it always comes right eventually. No need to make a federal case out of it." His tone was light.

"Do you know what causes it to get worse like this?"

"Are you trying to fix me again, Lisbon? Your optimism is both surprising and touching."

Lisbon wasn't sure how to respond. He was right. She was trying to fix him. And he was deflecting.

"Is that a 'no'? Or a 'yes, but would you please mind your own business'?"

Jane sighed.

"No, I have no idea, Lisbon. If I knew, I would fix it myself."

Well, that was good to know. He did have limits to his self-flagellation.

"What have you tried?"

"Everything, Lisbon! I've tried everything! Just leave it alone." Pause. "I'm sorry. I'm not at my best." He still kept his eyes firmly turned away from her.

Lisbon wondered if she should simply let it go. But she just couldn't.

"Have you always suffered from insomnia?"

The question surprised Jane. It was too perceptive for his taste. He had thought she would just assume that the insomnia was caused by the obvious. He didn't want to answer. But apparently his lack of response had been sufficient answer.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then, shall I? How did you used to deal with it when you were younger?"

He had turned to look at her now, drawn in in spite of himself.

"Sex usually worked." He grinned. "So I suppose the question is: how badly do you want to fix me, Lisbon?"

She had actually seen that one coming, but still couldn't stop the corners of her mouth from twitching as she suppressed a smile.

"Not that badly, Jane. Sorry. That would be a case of the cure being more deadly than the illness."

That got Jane's attention. He stared at her.

"Why do you say that?"

Oh, dear. The conversation had veered way out of control. Time for some damage control.

"Come on, Jane, you know what I mean. Or you would if you had slept for more than a few hours in the last week."

Should he let her get away with it? He was torn. On the one hand he very badly wanted to follow this conversation through to its natural conclusion; on the other hand he was desperately afraid to. He was leaning towards discretion being the better part of valour when she reached up and brushed a lock of hair out of her face, thereby completely derailing rational thought.

"No deflection, Lisbon. Are you saying that you think we would be bad for each other?"

How had they got from insomnia to this, for crying out loud?

"Jane, we're colleagues. And friends. Why would we want to mess with that?"

"I can think of a couple of reasons."

Lisbon's heart contracted rather painfully in her chest. He sounded deadly serious. Why couldn't her phone ring right now? It interrupted them all the time usually, but now, when she could really use the interruption, everyone was leaving her to her fate.

"I'm sure you can also think of a couple of reasons not to." She kept her eyes on the road.

Jane dropped his gaze. Right. He'd actually forgotten for a moment. She had that affect on him. He sighed.

"Listening to someone else breathing sometimes used to help me to sleep. I'd actually forgotten about that."

"Are you saying that if you sleep in a room with someone else, it will help you to sleep?"

"Not Rigsby. He snores."

"Cho it is."

They both spent the rest of the journey thinking what a pity it was that Lisbon couldn't offer to share a room with him (and trying heroically to focus on the platonic version of such an arrangement).

* * *

Cho was equally dissatisfied when he discovered that he was to be Jane's latest remedy for insomnia. He privately thought Lisbon was much better suited for the role, but wisely kept this opinion to himself. Like Rigsby, he had a healthy respect for Lisbon's sharp tongue. Especially concerning all things Jane-related. No point in poking a hornet's nest.


	2. Chapter 2

_Since I was asked so nicely, I wrote another chapter. I can't bring myself to stray too far from the_ status quo_ at the end of season 1, though, so don't get your hopes up._

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* * *

_

Lisbon and Van Pelt were already eating breakfast when Cho made his appearance the next morning. He looked... disgruntled. Definitely not happy. He didn't bother to get himself any food, but instead sat nursing his coffee morosely.

"Bad night?" Van Pelt asked sympathetically.

"Jane is a very restless sleeper." Cho didn't look like he wanted to talk about it.

"Did he actually sleep, though?" Lisbon asked, unable to disguise the anxiety in her voice.

"Yeah, he seemed to be sleeping fine. I was the one who was awake. Boss, if we're going to be here a few days, we're going to have to babysit Jane on a rota system."

"You know that Rigsby snores, Cho. You've complained about it yourself. We're trying to help Jane sleep, not ensure he stays awake."

"That still leaves you and Van Pelt."

Van Pelt's fork clattered to her plate and her head shot up to gaze at Cho and Lisbon in horror.

"There is no way I'm sharing a room with that man!" she said, completely dismayed that anyone would even think of suggesting it.

"What man?" Jane asked, strolling up and looking considerably less frazzled than he had the day before. Van Pelt blushed and tried to hide herself behind her coffee cup.

"So, it actually worked. You slept." Lisbon said to him, trying not to look too relieved to see him looking so chipper.

"I did indeed. Cho has very soothing breathing. Thanks, Cho."

Cho grunted and shot a mutinous look at Lisbon. Four-year-olds confronted with platefuls of green vegetables tend to wear much the same expression (won't, shan't, can't make me). Jane wandered off to get himself some food, whistling softly between his teeth.

"I'll pay for my own room if need be, Boss, but tonight I'm sleeping in a Jane-free room. Sorry."

Cho very rarely made a stand against her. Lisbon knew there was no way she was going to be able to budge him on this. She sighed.

"Well, maybe having a good night's sleep has broken his bad spell of insomnia," she tried to sound optimistic. "Maybe he'll be fine tonight. I'll organise another room for you, Cho. Thanks, anyway."

Cho felt slightly mollified. Lisbon was a great boss, all things considered. He didn't usually resent the fact that she treated Jane differently to the rest of them – Jane was Jane. Everyone treated him differently; held him to different standards. Besides, Cho knew that Lisbon would go above and beyond to help him too, if he ever needed her to. As the caffeine kicked in, he almost felt remorseful about being difficult. Maybe he should relent...

Jane sat down next to him and gave him a cheery grin.

"Do you know that you mutter in your sleep, Cho? I couldn't quite catch what you were saying, but that's because your face was in your pillow. I'm sure I'll be able to hear next time."

...but on the other hand, Lisbon could always share a room with him herself if she was so worried about him.

* * *

They had a long and extremely frustrating day. Lisbon and the local sheriff did not hit it off, and spent most of the day butting heads and making life difficult for each other. The case wasn't throwing up any helpful leads, which meant that Jane was bored and irritable. Rigsby and Cho had to spend most of the day out in the woods conducting a fruitless search, while Van Pelt wrestled with an erratic internet connection and some extremely poor filing in the sheriff's office. It was already quite late when they all made their way back to their tiny motel, and it was only then that Lisbon remembered that she had told Cho that she would organise him another room. Exasperated, she went to the manager's office to belatedly make good on her promise, only to be told that the motel was already full.

Lisbon stood for a moment, irresolute. She felt as though she was caught between a rock and a hard place. She really didn't have the energy or the patience for this! Making up her mind, she decided to kill two annoying birds with one rather terrifying stone.

Approaching the others, she told Cho tiredly, "There aren't any more rooms, Cho, so I'll swop with you for tonight."

Jane's head snapped up in astonishment. Had she just said what he thought she had just said?

"Er, what was that, Lisbon? Did you just say what I think you just said?"

"I promised Cho his own room tonight, and there are no other rooms available. Let's not make a big deal out of this, okay? No funny stuff, Jane."

Jane held his hands up in mock surrender.

"I will be the model of good behaviour, Lisbon."

Well, he'd try, anyway. Did she honestly think that having her in his room would help him to sleep? Was that conversation he thought they had yesterday merely a sleep deprived hallucination?

* * *

As Cho was taking his things rather guiltily to Lisbon's room, Van Pelt and Rigsby cornered him in the hallway.

"Are you really going to make Lisbon share a room with Jane?" Van Pelt asked in her best accusatory tone.

Cho looked defensive. "She doesn't have to. She could share with you and have Jane sleep on his own. Or have Rigsby share with him."

"She's trying to help him sleep! Neither of those options will help."

Cho gave her a quizzical look. "Having Lisbon in his room probably won't help him to sleep either, but that's the option she's going with."

"You suggested the rota system, Cho!"

Cho gave an unrepentant grin. "I never thought she'd go for it. Guess I was wrong."

"Come on, man, can't you take one for the team? This could seriously backfire on all of us." Rigsby looked pleadingly at Cho.

"I took one for the team yesterday. Besides, this is Jane and Lisbon we're talking about. Control freaks anonymous. It'll be fine. Don't be such a big baby."

* * *

Lisbon travelled light. It only took her a moment to put her toiletries in the bathroom and drop her bag beside her bed, which was her version of unpacking and settling in. Jane sat on his bed and watched her.

"Well, this is unexpected," he said.

"Hmm. Don't get any ideas. This is Insomnia Remedy B, not Insomnia Remedy A." She gave him one of her crooked smiles. He smiled back.

"Glad to hear it. I would have hoped for considerably more enthusiasm if we were going for Remedy A."

"I'm going to shower and I'm planning on taking my time. If you want to use the bathroom, now's your moment."

"I've already cleaned my teeth. Go ahead."

Having Lisbon in his room had been fine (-ish); knowing that she was naked and wet a few feet away from him was a lot less fine. Jane tried watching TV, but his mind was not co-operating at all. He was very relieved when she at last emerged in what he supposed were her pyjamas.

"Going jogging?" he asked.

"This is what I sleep in," she said, frowning at him.

"To save time in the morning when you go jogging?"

She gave him an exasperated look and climbed into bed.

"Expecting a negligee, were you?"

He grinned. "On you, Lisbon? Not even remotely."

Her frown deepened.

"Meaning?"

"Wow, no matter what I say I'm going to be in trouble, aren't I?"

"Let's just go to sleep, shall we?" Lisbon snapped off the light with slightly more force than was necessary.

Lisbon stayed awake longer than she usually did because she was trying to work out if Jane was managing to sleep or not, but eventually her tiredness won out and she drifted off to sleep. Jane listened as her breathing changed and he turned over quietly so that he could watch her as she slowly relaxed. She had her back to him at first, but turned over after about half an hour and curled on her side facing him. If he reached out he would be able to touch her face. He lay motionless for some time, struggling with himself, before he finally compromised and reached across and touched her hair, which was spread out on her pillow. It was soft and silky and the ends were damp from her shower. She should be more careful to keep her hair dry before bed – it wasn't wise to sleep with wet hair.

As it turned out, Lisbon wasn't much use for Insomnia Remedy B, because she breathed so quietly once she was deeply asleep that he actually couldn't hear her at all, even when he held his own breath. It almost alarmed him – should he wake her up? Put a mirror in front of her mouth? Fortunately she turned over every now and again, which set Jane's mind at rest. He lay watching her sleep for a couple of hours before drifting off himself. And once he did fall asleep, Jane slipped into a deep, dreamless state which he rarely, if ever, reached these days.

Lisbon woke up first the next morning. The sun was slanting through the blinds onto the wall and there was a very loud bird singing a tuneless song right outside the window. Lisbon always rather resented waking up, particularly when she was woken earlier than strictly necessary. However, when she turned over, she was greeted with a very cheering sight. Jane, looking a little like a sleeping angel (or, more likely, a fallen angel), was lying lost in a very deep and peaceful sleep. She couldn't remember ever seeing him looking so relaxed before. She didn't want to do anything to disturb him, so she lay very still, watching him. The longer he was able to sleep like that, the better. She wondered what had enabled him to sleep so deeply. Surely not just listening to her breathe?

As the sun rose, shards of light crept down the wall behind them until it reached their beds, lighting up the sleeping Jane until it looked like he had a halo. Lisbon grinned. She wished. Or not, actually. She wouldn't want a boring, perfect Jane. Where would the fun in that be? She didn't have long to ponder this before the sunlight on his face woke Jane up. He blinked and squinted, then raised his hand to block out the light. He suddenly became aware of Lisbon lying watching him with bright, interested eyes. Those eyes of hers...

"Morning, sunshine," she said, grinning at him.

Hmm. She had been watching him sleep. Well, that was fair, he supposed. He was willing to bet she hadn't played with his hair, though. Which reminded him...

"You know, Lisbon, you should make sure your hair is properly dry before you go to sleep. It's not good to sleep with wet hair."

Her eyes narrowed, both suspicious and puzzled by the random comment. Had he been dreaming about her?

"What are you talking about? I didn't wash my hair before I went to bed."

Oops. Um... Hmm. Maybe he should have just stuck with 'good morning'. He tried to clear the unaccustomed fuzziness of sleep out of his brain.

"I could smell that it was damp after your shower last night. You need to look after yourself better."

He got hurriedly out of bed before she could comment. She was looking at him very quizzically. Why did she doubt him so? He didn't lie to her _that_ often.

"I think I'll shower, if that's okay?"

He ducked into the bathroom before she could respond.

Lisbon twirled some of her hair around her finger while she waited. What was that all about? She knew him well enough to know that he was lying to her or hiding something, but she couldn't figure out why or what. Had he done something to her hair? He wouldn't... would he? Right now she couldn't get to the bathroom mirror because there was a naked Jane in the way. Oh. Great. Just what she needed to be thinking about. Had he been thinking about her while she was in the shower? Maybe that was what the whole wet hair thing had been about and why he had seemed so embarrassed. She jumped out of bed and got dressed rather hurriedly. The less nakedness there was in the room, the better.

Jane emerged from the bathroom looking very cheerful indeed. Lisbon sighed inwardly. She wanted Jane to be happy and well-rested, she really did, but she knew from experience that a happy, well-rested Jane tended to create paperwork. On the plus side, they would probably solve the case a lot more quickly, which meant they could get home sooner. Or was that on the minus side? She was undecided.

* * *

"So, does Lisbon talk in her sleep?" Cho wanted to know at breakfast.

"Lisbon barely even _breathes_ in her sleep. At one point I actually considered waking her up to check she was still alive but then I realised that if she was dead, there would be nothing I could do about it - especially since I don't know CPR - and if she was alive, she would kill me for waking her up. So I concluded best let sleeping Lisbons lie."

Lisbon frowned. " You don't know CPR? Honestly Jane, how _did_ you worm your way into the CBI? When we get back to Sacramento, you are going on a course to learn CPR and anything else that you ought to know, but don't."

"And you know, she doesn't look at all dangerous when she's asleep, either. Instead of looking like an avenging angel, she just looks like an angel. Very deceptive indeed."

Lisbon was startled into silence by the angel comment. Did he somehow know that she had been thinking that he looked like a sleeping angel (she couldn't help harbouring a tiny irrational fear that he could actually read her mind)? Or did he really think that she looked like an angel when she slept? She shot him a funny look.

"You know, Lisbon, if you want to stick your tongue out at me you should just do it. Although it's impressive that you can make a face which conveys the same message without actually having the bother of sticking your tongue out. You are as much a virtuoso of the withering glare as you are of the irritated growl."

"The good news," Lisbon said to the others, "is that despite his claims that he spent the night watching _me_ sleep, Jane actually slept like a baby himself. Of course," she glared at him, "no good deed goes unpunished, does it?"

"Lisbon, I am forever in your debt, as always. You are my guardian angel." Jane gave her a cheeky grin before strolling away to get himself some more tea.

Van Pelt smiled at Lisbon sympathetically. "Well, anyway, it's good news that there's a way to help Jane when his insomnia gets too bad, isn't it? And he didn't keep you awake either, so it worked out okay."

Lisbon looked slightly sceptical, but shrugged in semi-agreement.

"Does this mean that you'll sleep with Jane in future and I'm off the hook?" Cho asked hopefully. Then, realising what he'd just said, began to almost stutter, "I mean, you know, not sleeping _with_ him..."

She cut him off before he could belabour the point any further. "I know what you mean, Cho, and I wouldn't count on it. You know how quickly Jane finds the limits of my patience and then barrels past them. Let's just say, you won't always be left holding the baby. We'll share the responsibility. Deal?"

Cho sighed. "Deal."

The baby in question returned with his tea and graced everyone with his most dazzling smile before settling into his seat with a sigh of happiness. Everyone had to admit that Jane was considerably more pleasant to be around after he'd had a decent night's sleep.

Lisbon still wanted to know why having her nearby had enabled Jane to sleep so well, but decided that was a problem to tackle another day. So to speak.


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay, this didn't have a finished feel to it after the last chapter, so I've done one more (had to get the introspective stuff out of my system). But this really is absolutely, definitely, definitively the final chapter. And still totally PG and repressed, so don't get excited. Sorry about that, but we wouldn't want to get ahead of ourselves, would we? This is Jane and Lisbon we're talking about here (precious little talk and no action)._

* * *

By mid-morning Jane was sure he knew who the killer was. He could tell that Lisbon was also on the right track, but she hated to do anything without some evidence or at least a good reason to back her up. She didn't just act on her hunches. Jane was pretty sure that if he told her what he thought, it would give her the confidence to take the suspect in for questioning (two hunches being better than one?), and Jane was certain that the suspect would crack after only the briefest exposure to Cho's interrogation technique. Which meant they would be out of here by lunch time. Jane opted to keep his mouth shut and his opinion to himself.

Lisbon knew that Jane was keeping something from her. She hated it when he did that. He loved being the showman, knowing something no-one else knew so that he could eventually reveal it with a dramatic "Ta-da". It was so irritating. Did he not understand the concept of team-work at all? She had asked him his opinion on the guy she thought was guilty and he had merely looked disinterested and non-committal. Did that mean that he didn't think he was guilty? She was sure he had a theory, though. He wasn't always right, it was true, but he was right a lot more often than not, and she didn't want to fruitlessly chase after the wrong person if he knew who the right person was. Why did Jane always have to be so _exasperating_?

In the end it was Van Pelt, working diligently at her computer cross-checking leads that Lisbon had given her, who came up with information which Lisbon could use to arrest her suspect. Jane had been quiet, distracted and unhelpful all day, so an annoyed Lisbon took Cho with her to make the arrest and conduct the interrogation. As Jane had privately predicted, the suspect cracked within ten minutes of Cho's company, but night had already fallen by then, and Lisbon decided it was too late to start the long drive back to Sacramento. They would stay the night and leave first thing in the morning. Jane smiled happily to himself. He just hoped that Lisbon wasn't so annoyed with him that she decided to punish him by bailing on him tonight. He knew how much she hated it when he kept case-related information to himself, so he had tried his best to be as innocuous as possible in every other way. He just hoped it would be enough.

Lisbon was still not happy with Jane, but she was pleased to have caught her suspect and to have had her hunch proved correct (without any help from Jane, which made it all the sweeter). Jane's behaviour was a bit of a mystery, though. He had been acting very unlike himself all day. He seemed non-condescendingly pleased at her success, unconcerned by his own apparent lack of insight into the case, and had been unfailingly polite to her for most of the day. It was bizarre and slightly unnerving. It didn't occur to Lisbon that Jane had merely been stalling because he wanted to stay another night (with her) – if it had, her annoyance would have been completely swept away by sheer amazement. As it was, she felt a tiny flutter of nervousness at the thought of another night sharing a room with Jane. Their relationship was so precariously balanced as it was. With him acting oddly, all bets were off. Lisbon had no problem with the risks she took in her work, but when it came to her relationships, she wanted safety and security. This was neither safe nor secure.

Jane was watching Lisbon closely. He could tell that she was trying to decide what to do about their sleeping arrangements, and she looked like she was wavering. This was not good. He needed to take action. He went up to her and spoke softly, so the others wouldn't hear.

"Hey, Lisbon. I..uh..I haven't really thanked you yet for agreeing to share with me. You were right, the insomnia situation has been getting a little out of hand. If I'd known you could help so easily, I might have asked sooner." He gave her his most disarming smile.  
He knew it was a master stroke. Lisbon could never resist his sincerity and he was being completely sincere.

Crap. He'd cornered her. Clearly he'd realised she was considering making Cho switch rooms with her again and had decided to force her hand. She could see one of Jane's manipulations coming from a mile off – she'd had enough practice, after all. Not that she didn't believe him, but she was absolutely certain that he wouldn't say something like that to her unless he was trying to get something from her that mattered to him quite a lot. And he knew she wouldn't turn him down, even if she realised what he was doing. Clever. Frustrating. Typical. And interesting. Why did he want her to stay with him so much? Did she really want to know? This had better not be his idea of a non-sophomoric seduction technique.

He watched the expressions flitting across her face. Damn. She'd seen through him. When had he become so transparent to her and how had he not noticed it happening? But he knew his trap was well-laid. He had considered all the angles. She would do what he wanted, even against her better judgement, because it wasn't in her nature to turn down an opportunity to help him (fix him?). Plus she could never resist what she recognised to be a naked plea (figuratively speaking, of course – if she thought it was literally a naked plea, she'd run a mile).

Lisbon noticed that Cho was watching them rather tensely, clearly trying to read his fate from their body language. Both men badly wanted her to stay with Jane. Well, it wasn't like she was completely, totally, absolutely against it herself. It would be fine. She'd already survived one night, comparatively unscathed.

"I hope it works again tonight then," she said, giving in to the inevitable.

Jane hid his relief behind a beautiful smile.

"Of course it will," he said with confidence.

* * *

The team had a celebratory dinner together, before going their separate ways. Cho was suitably pleased to still have his own room, and spent a undisturbed evening reading his somewhat challenging book. Since it was a lovely clear star-studded night, Rigsby and Van Pelt decided to go for a walk around the rather quaint little town they were staying in. Jane chose to stay and have one last cup of tea, so that Lisbon could go to their room and shower in his absence. No point in needlessly torturing himself. When he came up a while later, Lisbon was already in bed and was watching a movie with a rather puzzled look on her face.

"Why do you start watching movies half way through, Lisbon?"

"Because this TV doesn't have a rewind button," she said, making an 'isn't it obvious?' face at him.

He grabbed the remote from her.

"So change the channel and watch something else that's just starting."

"There isn't anything else on that I want to watch."

"Can I turn it off then?"

"If you feel that strongly about it."

He snapped the TV off and tossed the remote onto a chair. Lisbon folded her arms and looked at him with slightly raised eyebrows.

"We could play poker," he suggested.

"You brought a pack of cards with you?"

"I never go anywhere without a pack of cards, Lisbon."

She rolled her eyes. "Be that as it may, I do not want to play poker. Or any other game you're about to suggest."

"Well, I'll just change into my pyjamas, then. Try not to look."

"Go and change in the bathroom, Jane!"

He gave her a mischievous grin, but retreated to the bathroom without giving her any more grief. When he came back out, she had slid further down into her bed and was looking at the ceiling thoughtfully. This did not bode well. He should have let her watch TV. He climbed into his bed and waited. She looked across at him.

"So why does having someone in the room with you help you to sleep? And don't tell me you don't know, because I know you do."

"No need to be so assertive. I'm perfectly happy to tell you." She looked at him sceptically. "From the time I was a baby I always slept surrounded by people and noise and activity. I don't remember ever sleeping in a room on my own when I was a kid. That's why I'm able to sleep at the office. I suppose I never totally acclimated to sleeping in lonely splendour. Old habits die hard."

She was tempted to ask him to tell her his 'long story' about the carnie circuit that he'd said he'd travelled with his dad, but she resisted the urge to get side-tracked. Another time.

"So is the insomnia connected to sleeping alone, or is that something separate?"

"Sleeping alone makes it worse because there's nothing to distract me, but the insomnia began before I started sleeping by myself, so it's something separate."

"What?"

"Many things. Nothing. Existential angst. Who knows?"

"When did it start?"

He cocked his head on one side and considered trying to distract her with another snarky comment about her interrogation technique, but then decided he owed her at least this much and said instead, "When I was a teenager. Fifteen, sixteen, somewhere around there."

"So it's not connected to some specific event?"

"Not at that point, no."

"Life has conspired against you." She smiled at him.

"Something like that."

"So, do you find that you can't slow your brain down enough to sleep; you get caught in the tangle of your own thoughts and don't know how to get free?"

He looked at her. Gave a little shrug. "Sometimes. Doesn't that happen to everyone? You certainly sound like you know something about it."

"Maybe. And now I guess you have nightmares too?"

"Well, I have to fall asleep first in order to dream, but yes, they don't help."

He was starting to look a little moody and guarded, so she decided not to pursue that angle.

"So why did you sleep better with me here than with Cho?"

He had hoped she wouldn't ask that particular question.

"What makes you think I did?"

"Because I woke up before you did, remember? I saw how deeply you were sleeping. That wasn't a restless keep-Cho-awake-all-night kind of sleep."

He looked at her. She looked at him.

"I feel safe with you here," he said eventually. Hesitantly.

She raised her eyebrows quizzically. "Cho doesn't make you feel safe?"

"Not to cast any aspersions on Cho's body-guarding abilities, but you would be my first choice in that regard. If that was what I meant, which it wasn't."

"Okay. What did you mean? And thanks, by the way." She gave him a little smile which was mostly in her eyes.

He didn't know how to explain. He sighed and leaned back against his pillows for a moment, trying to find the words.

"If you're here with me, then I know you're safe. If you're safe, then I'm safe. I don't consciously worry, but somewhere underneath, I suppose I do."

"You're afraid of losing me to the dark side if you let me out of your sight? I have to say, I know the feeling."

He had been almost afraid to look at her, but now he did. She was giving him her half smile. He smiled back. She didn't seem to be reading too much into all this. That was a relief. Sort of. Well, apparently what had been a giant step for Patrick Jane had only been a tiny step for his relationship with Lisbon. Which he was fine with. Up to a point.

"So, do I get to ask you 20 personal questions now?"

"Absolutely not."

"For someone who prides herself on her sense of fairness, you're certainly letting your standards slip."

"I believe in justice, Jane, not fairness. Life isn't fair, as you well know."

"Semantics, Lisbon."

"I think it's time we went to sleep, don't you?"

"Coward."

She gave him a Look. He leaned over as if to turn the light out, but instead grabbed a handful of her hair and gave it a quick squeeze. He let it go again almost immediately, but she still managed to give him a good smack on the arm before he could move it out of the way. She glared at him.

"Just checking it was dry. You seem to have taken my advice to heart, Lisbon. Good girl."

He snapped the light off hurriedly before her steely gaze could reduce him to a smoking pile of dust.

"Goodnight, Lisbon."

"Goodnight, Jane."

Lisbon lay thinking about what Jane had told her. It wasn't that unexpected. No big deal, really. After losing his family the way he had, it was logical that he would worry about other people he cared about. Especially with Red John still out there nursing a grudge against him. So why did she feel so... what was she feeling? She wasn't sure, but it was big, whatever it was. Maybe it was just the fact that he had talked to her about it that was so astounding. He so rarely told her anything personal. Why had he talked to her so openly? Especially so close on the heels of their rather alarming conversation in the car the other day.

Do not go down that road, Teresa Lisbon, she told herself firmly. Jane was in no way ready for anything even remotely non-platonic. He was obsessed with Red John. He still wore his wedding ring. And he still held onto that expensive, creepy, ghost house of his in Malibu, refusing to either use it or sell it. None of which meant that he didn't care about her, of course, but she wasn't prepared to take on all that unresolved emotional baggage. Besides, she wasn't exactly the poster-girl for emotional health herself. When it came to interpersonal relationships, she was almost pathologically mistrustful of herself, other people and the world at large. Jane would be better off with someone golden and carefree. Her insides twisted rebelliously at the thought. Okay, scratch that. Jane belonged to her, but she wasn't ready yet. He wasn't ready yet. She just hoped that there was going to be time, somewhere in the future, for them to figure it out. But not yet.

Jane could tell she was thinking through what he'd said. It was at times like these that he wished he really could read her mind. He knew she worried slightly that he could (not that she'd ever admit it), but apart from the knowledge one picks up from spending a great deal of time with someone, along with a few astute guesses, he really had no idea what went on in her head. Teresa Lisbon was a complicated woman. There were parts of her that were clear and easy to read, but the rest was a mystery. It was one of the many things he liked that about her, but right now it was maddeningly inconvenient. He was feeling ever so slightly panicky in the wake of their conversation, and a silent contemplative Lisbon was not helping.

But then she fell asleep, and the world immediately slowed down and became calm and safe. What he'd told her had been true, but it hadn't been the whole truth. The part he hadn't told her was that when she had allowed herself to be vulnerable enough to fall asleep in front of him, he had come to a wonderful realisation. Whether she intended to or not, Teresa Lisbon trusted him. And somehow, somewhere along the way, earning her trust had become vitally important to him. He knew her trust and her love were intimately connected and, while he wouldn't exactly object to her wanting him for his body (he should be so lucky), he actually (slightly desperately) wanted the whole package deal. And so the miraculous awareness that she trusted him somewhere deep within herself had opened such a wonderful world of possibilities that all other thoughts had been chased from his mind for the first time in a very long time. And so he had slept. Happy. Peaceful. And safe.

'The heart wants what the heart wants,' Jane had once said, and his own words had come back to haunt him. His heart had sidled carefully past his anger, guilt, hatred and pain and had chosen to love again, without consulting his brain on the matter at all. Which meant that he was being confronted with a fork in the road; the possibility of a new direction and a new destination. More and more these days he was finding himself distracted from the ghosts of his painful past, his lost loves and his invisible nemesis by the response of his heart to the very real, very alive presence of Teresa Lisbon. And with her lying asleep within reach of his touch, it seemed almost easy to imagine taking the road that would enable him to watch her sleep every night.

He had already changed a great deal from the man he had been before Red John had shattered his life. Looking back, he sometimes couldn't recognise himself in his old self at all. It wasn't that he had changed in his essentials, but his understanding and his priorities had shifted beyond recognition and that had somehow made him an entirely different person. And this new person that he was still in the process of becoming was inextricably bound up with Lisbon. She had slipped past his defences and helped play a formative role in shaping who he was today, and, more importantly, who he could be in the future. It mattered to him how she saw him. He needed her.

Was her reluctant, unacknowledged and surprising faith in him misplaced? Could he make that agonising choice to let go of one goal in order to achieve another? He didn't know. Would she wait for him to figure it out? Watching her as she slipped into her silent breathing mode, he thought his chances that she would were fairly good. He had been a little afraid that last night had just been a fluke, which is why he'd so badly wanted to retest his theory tonight. But it was true. She, who trusted no-one, was learning to trust him. That was a very good sign. It awakened in Jane something he thought had died a long time ago. Hope. Jane was smiling when he drifted off to sleep.

Lisbon had evidently fiddled with the blinds before they went to bed, because they were firmly blocking the light out when Jane woke up the next morning. He had slept much later than he had expected to and Lisbon was nowhere to be seen. He spotted a note on her pillow. "Meet you outside when you're ready," it said. Her things were gone, too, so he was apparently holding up the cavalry. He showered hurriedly, collected his belongings and went to find Lisbon. She was sitting on a bench in the sun, drinking coffee and looking uncharacteristically relaxed.

"Hey," she said when she saw him, "I got you some food to eat in the car, if that's okay. We should be getting going."

"That's fine. Sorry to keep you waiting. Why didn't you wake me up?"

She smiled at him. "After all the trouble we went to to get you to sleep? Not likely. The others have already left. Shall we go?"

"After you."

They climbed into the car and Jane happily got stuck into his tea and breakfast.

"By the way, Van Pelt has organised for you to go on a CPR course tomorrow. At breakfast we came up with a list of other things that we think you should learn to do. It's written on one of those napkins." She gave him a mischievous grin.

Jane groaned. Sleeping was more dangerous than he'd thought. And this just confirmed his theory that it was never safe to let Lisbon out of his sight.

END


End file.
